Tobias Jones (aka. Evan King)

Tobias Jones is the name that I’ve given my little brother, Evan, for when he acts like a legalistic, independent Baptist, hell fire pastor. Evan is my constant entertainment. We say that his favorite hobby is monitoring my various outfits. He doesn’t like it when I wear polka-dots, or strips, let alone form-fitting or revealing clothes. It’s thoroughly entertaining. Sometimes I like to put on outfits that I wouldn’t dare wearing in public, just to get a reaction out of him. He also has other rules for me, such as how (and how not) to eat a banana. He’s a character.

He’s like this because he’s a guy, and he knows how other guys think. He’s protecting me from my own obliviousness. Even though it can be a bit annoying, I know that he only does it because he loves me.

We always joke that we hope he doesn’t have any daughters. Fortunately for Evan, I naturally dress pretty modestly, so he doesn’t have to work too hard. Dad did a good job with training my brothers to be like modern-day knights. Evan always talks about women respectfully, and makes sure that I carry myself in a way where people will want to talk about me with respect.

Evan is actually really funny. Some of my favorite quotes in my diary are Evan quotes. I’ll give some examples later.

In fact, Evan is sitting next to me in  my bed, showing me funny youtube videos. He just showed me part of a video where this kid is freaking out because the fan base ruined the Sonic franchise. When I asked him about it he said, “It’s literally a fourteen minute video, and I watched all of it…” Freaking. Hysterical.

All in all, this is just a post about my little brother. There’s not really a moral to it. I guess you could find on if you looked for it.

Here are some “Tobias Jones” quotes:

Evan King Quotes:

“You have a Bill Clinton on your phone”

“You burped, and I must’ve gotten the whole thing in one whiff.”

“I’m trying to pick up a quarter with the stickiness of my big toe.”

“He has half as much diabetes.”

“Are you trying to poke my ham?”

“What kind of cheese is that? Why aren’t you using American?”

“Don’t wear tight pants, Lacy.”

“You’re breathing in my ear like your praying for me or something.”

“Butts butts butts poopy poopy poopy.”

“Why is that yummy to you? That can’t be delish.”

“Joel Osteen is the smiley antichrist.”

“Give me the remote, because your pause game is not strong.”

“I feel like the super villainwho talked too much and ruined his plan.”

“I was learning math, and I was crying while I was doing it.”

And so many more…

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